[JayBallentine]

I am posting in the promotions section because it seemed like the "best fit" - however, I have nothing to sell here. In fact, maybe some of you lead generators who post here might be able to benefit from this.

ISO's - you guys should love this, because this is especially written for you all.

I got an e-mail from someone I have a ton of respect for today. He wanted feedback on his direct mail campaign he had going out. He wanted me to evaluate his sales letter. It was effectively at telling:

1. Who he was.
2. What he had to offer.
3. Courteous tone.
4. Contact information.

In other words, it was a turd. Terrible. No one cares who you are, what you have to offer, and that you are nice in your tone. Save your contact information because they don't care about that either. They want to know what is in it for them, and why they should do business with you.

My first criticism was that his mailer was untargeted. He picked some SIC codes, drew up this "we are XYZ capital and have funded 2,000 businesses since 2007" junk and decided to have a go at it. Luckily I stopped him.

I helped him decide to go after UCC's... Here's a sample of a piece I whipped up for him.


Bill,

My name is John Doe and I was going to call you up like the other hundreds of guys who are calling you everyday to try and shove more high interest money down your throat, but I decided against it.

Bill, I know you recently took high interest business financing because those clowns at the bank can't seem to realize that without business owners like you - there is no America. In the future - you may need more money and that's OK. I'll gladly help.

One thing I won't do is lie to you. In no way shape or form will I ever be able to get you anything less than 35% interest. I've been in this business a while and guys' lies are getting bigger and bigger; "direct lender this," "lowest rates that." They'll say anything to get a commission check. In fact their lies likely got you 35% interest in the first place.


I CUT OUT MOST OF THE CLOSE - THE MONEY PARAGRAPHS

But, you still get the point.

Now compare the above copy to the one below, or anything that YOU can come up with and tell me - which letter are you likely to respond to? Assuming the audience is UCC's.


Bill,

We are SUPER AWESOME FUNDING COMPANY and we are here to offer your business the funding you may need for:

1. Marketing
2. Expansion
3. Payroll

As a direct lender we can offer the best rates in the business and turnaround the absolute fastest approvals. Most merchants are approved and funded within 72 hours of application.

Unlike the bank, our loans are unsecured and we can work with you regardless of credit type. So, if you are interested in seeing how much your business qualifies for, call us now at 12345678.