[VeganFunder]

It's been so long since I've posted something and while I'd like to say I've missed you all, I really only missed Marcus.

Anyway, my brain has completely deteriorated from all the Nail salon fraudsters and the "come on man he does $800k per month. It's not a trucking company... he's in logistics"

So it's time for a ranting break.

However, my last post was a little triggering for a sensitive few who ended up finding out who I was and then threatened to tell every ISO in the business that I now EXCLUSIVELY fund 1st position Car dealerships. I needed therapy (still do)

To avoid that I made this rant in the style of Dr. Suess.
This rant is called

I'll Never Work with You Again

I sat down at my desk
and opened up my slack
15 pings from an ISO
Who’s about to have a heart attack

Why can’t I get an answer?!
I sent in 5 fresh deals
What sort of place you running there
Your slowness is unreal

NO ONE treats me like this
I sent them in at 10(pm)
Forget it, just don’t price
I’ll never work with you again!

I’ve heard this schpiel before
We know he’s just a talker
3 were defaults, 1 was forged
But on the last I gave an offer

THAT is ALL you're giving??
I NEED AT LEAST TRIPLE!
He’ll never take that deal you know
These merchant’s are so fickle

EBF Gives more, he goes
You’re a coward and a pain
This is why I go with mantis
I’ll never work with you again!

Of course 5 minutes later
You can guess what’s next
He asks us for a contract
And sends the voided check

"The merchant signed!
call them now, he’ll pay!
I just sent you his login...
Can this fund today?

It’s 9pm I said
I’m sure you can tell time
I cant send a wire if I wanted to
Is sleeping now a crime?

I’M GUNNA LOSE HIM, what's the point
YOU BETTER NOW CALL BEN!
Forget it, it’s too late, it's gone
I’ll never work with you again!

The next day at 11
When It’s done and underwritten
Guess who calls me back
Sounding sweeter than a kitten

I just spoke to my client
He said you guys were nice
He said he spoke to you last night
He said you called him twice?

You guys are great
and I need to just say something
Despite the mess I made last night
Thanks so much for funding


Of course that’s not what happened
Although he did say thanks
But I couldn’t send commission
Because he just switched banks

I SENT ACCOUNT AND ROUTING
A voided check? Are you insane?
I knew you’d try to screw me
I’ll never work with you again

[Olderguy]

Here's another take....50 person broker shop calls me to get it ABL lending....(asset based loans).

So I start on conference calls and get several interested prospects.

First big one....large hotel wants $6.4M to cash out SBA 7A (at 10.5%) and get more cash better terms.

I have a direct lender who gets an LOI for $6.4M at 5.84% fixed for 10 years amortized 30.

Reps wants 3% and against my judgement put that in to the offer.

Rep calls hotel owner he is going to charge an additional 1.75% as a risk fee.

I call the hotel owner who tells me it's bull**** and blocks the broker's number.

I negotiate a fee of 1.75% broker fee with the hotel owner which he agrees but is working with some other lenders.

Broker rep starts blowing up everyone's phone badmouthing me about not being transparent, blah, blah, blah.

Then rep sends out an email not to do business with me because I am not transparent, blah, blah,

Broker shop owner calls me to say they no longer will be doing business with me.

At this point I have over $10M in hard money files.

Broker reps are calling all the merchants badmouthing me trying to get them into DSCR loans (don't qualify) or WBL (more money for the broker).

2 of the merchants block the broker's number and ALL of them want to do business with me.

I have my law firm send the broker shop a cease and desist letter regarding defamation.

I find out broker shop is charging a finders fee to merhant to get them property loans.

I send the email the merchant sent me about this and filed it with the New Jersey licensing division as that's against the law. Jail time for the broker.

Bottom line.....I could screw this broker out of hundreds of thousands in commissions....what I"ll probably do is send them a referral fee of maybe 25%.

But this is the way many broker shops are operating and there is no future in it.

[Avi joe]

very true, sadly.

Avi Joseph
Overnight Capital
(929) 205-8201
www.overnight-capital.com
avi@overnight-capital.com

[Finance Guru]

These are talented rhymes. Truth be told, we live in scary times.

[BR-Nightmare]

It's broker like these that are intense,

We should gather them all and put them behind a fence.

Time kills deal, we all know that, but the more you rush, we know the facts

This file smell like red flags, aint the right jack!?

[TheConfidentBroker]

There's a new saying around, I think we should take heed
The louder you are, the more addicted to greed
The promises of big checks off the first of your deals
Will equal to nothing the 2nd round they steal
There is no guarantee - no matter who puts their name on it
The pretty flashy platforms and names makes us want to vomit
There's no better way to say it, we do advances not lend
We just need to get Marcus to make daily funder great again.

[Olderguy]

First call today..."how many points can I get?"

My answer "from 0 - 150."

Sheesh...please go away.....

[OnTheRopes]

I'm new to this scene so I lurk on your posts.

From your comments I glean stacks of good notes.

All this talk of scammers sounds like no funs

the thought of losing my income gives me the runs.

[BR-Nightmare]

New to the scene and your name is on the ropes?

Trying to rhyme, man lay off the dope (Jk jk)

We can keep this going through the days time.

But I'm looking to work on my deals that broker claim are prime.

It's all in good fun, no a jab at you at all

This reminds me of the time Sean wanted to make a play that time during the fall.

Yet his standards were outlandish thinking these brokers once danced and sing.

Bro its the funding business, that sh!t ain't our thing.

[closer129]

People like that are hurting the industry for the good people and good merchants. I had a broker argue with me yesterday that he is getting prime offers from A paper funders. Merchant went from 1.2 million in deposits in March down to 300-400k the last 2 months which is over a 70% drop and the merchant ended with 300 bucks in the account and averaged 1,700 a day and looking for around 400k.

[Sean Cash]

It's all in good fun, no a jab at you at all

This reminds me of the time Sean wanted to make a play that time during the fall.

Yet his standards were outlandish thinking these brokers once danced and sing.

Bro its the funding business, that sh!t ain't our thing.

You mean the big play from April Fool's Day?

Where we all dance and sing in a cool way

No way you believed it, wasn't even written by me

I ask did you read it, because it's easy to see

Became beDanked in '19, announced a SPAC in '21

April fooled the whole team, then danced with everyone

[BR-Nightmare]

635.jpg

[DonMcGrath]

It's been so long since I've posted something and while I'd like to say I've missed you all, I really only missed Marcus.

You missed me too bro

Just because I blocked your number doesn't mean we're not still friends, but calling me 5 times a day was causing relationship problems.

[Clark Sica]

Enjoyed every second of that

[MCA-VET]

Hey ISO/Agents are hardest working people --- 1 deal can make or break a lot in their personal lives--- I understand that well and have no problem taking calls/texts all hours of the night about a final funding call that was moved to the AM -- if they need to call me 3 times to make sure we still like the deal than bring on those calls/texts all night!!! (which will allow ISO to enroll his special needs child into better school or cover rent or even if its to make payment on his S500!) --

[UptownFund]

Relationships relationships relationships.....

Just a bunch of drama, breakups, divorces and one night stands.

That's the industry we are in.

I prefer to stick with the loyal Iso shops that make both of us $$$$$$