[QuickFund]

happy beginning of the month everyone!!

The iso community seems to have a monopoly on complaints about funders. It's about time we have some complaining from the funder's side of things.
It’s almost getting to the point that this forum should be called "daily iso" (whomp) -- the only time direct funders tend to post anything is either to defend or promote themselves (here's looking at you marcus!)

do i love the majority of our iso’s? Sure...most of the time...but there is this subset group in the iso community that seem to be missing a few key points.

Why am i posting this now instead of funding? Because my brain is fried, july was exhausting and i need a 10 minute break.

let the pet peeve rant begin

1. Arguing against a legitimate ill

i get it, you've been counting your commission from the time the merchant asked for a contract. But the most we looked at in order to give this guy a contract (less than 50k) is a quick internet search, credit and a few bank statements.

• the fact that he's a child molester didn't show up until after we pulled background.
  
• the default from 8 months ago didn't show up on his credit or the courts for some reason
  
• he just took funding yesterday

"but he's a payer!!"
the fact that he's been paying [fill in the blank] funding for 2 weeks doesn't make him a payer!


"why didn't we pull background before sending out the contract??" you ask as you start to swear you'll never do business with us again

a full background report is $20 (10 for personal, 10 for business)-- the number of times i get a signed contract back and the merchant just got funded 2 days ago (thanks for checking by the way!) we send out 20-50 contracts per day! That's about $12,000 per month in unnecessary costs.

Yes, if 80-90% of the contracts you request come back signed maybe we'd do it ahead of time for you.
Hell, even if you only send back 5% of the contracts you request but your portfolio's performance with us is through the roof because you have that gift of clairvoyance when it comes to merchant's we may even change our minds!! But, chances are, if you're that good you already know that and kind of have us by the balls anyway.


2. Why is your refi offer so low, he can handle it!

first of all, thank you for stacking us. Of course, the merchant asked you for more money and it was a full month later so i guess it could be worse.

We get it, gotta keep your merchant's happy.

But just because he's been handling our (and everyone else’s) daily/weekly payment flawlessly doesn't mean we should double it! No bounced payments generally means we priced it correctly! The goal isn't to push the daily to the point where a merchant is struggling to handle the advance. Yes, he asked for more money, which also happens to equal more commission, did you explain to him the cost and extra burden?

Did you explain that when it comes to borrowing money less is more?
Maybe have him wait 2 more weeks so he nets more on the refi?
For some reason when i explain this to a merchant they seem to get it, almost every time.
The goal is to keep your clients for year's, not months


you're clients aren't stupid (if you think they are that might be the problem right there). We're all susceptible to sale tactics and merchant's are no different -- i've seen your gucci and ferregamo shoes that you justified because some youtube personality or salesman told you they were "worth it due to their superior quality."
sometimes we just believe what we want to in order to get what we think we want
(fyi-- they're 40% over-market in terms of quality. They're not garbage, but they're not a gold standard either)

3. We made a mistake, sorry. We'll make it up to you
we're not funding $50mil a month
some of us smaller funding shops are funding $5m, others $12m some names we all love are in the $2m per month range. Our money is expensive, we feel a default and our teams are not staffed with robots.


We make mistakes
we're human

sorry, we missed that the merchant lowered payments on last chance the last day of the month of the most recent statement
sorry we missed a recent funding in the month-to-date you sent us (which was 35 individual screen shots from the merchant's mobile app)

we f'd up, but we're not going to risk 50k,30k or even 10 thousand dollars of our money just because we made 1 mistake out of the 100 offers we sent out to you this month.

We respect the effort you put into closing deals, ask us for 1-2 points on the next deal to make it up

4. Hey did you see my email
yes

and your text, and the 10 phone calls and then the text about the phone call about the email.
Maybe wait 10 minutes? Maybe we’re on the phone with the someone else?? It might even be your merchant who’s contract you’re calling us about.
Jeez

4. Merchant needs 100k to close
he does $15k per month. Stop it

nothing you have to say about this file means anything anymore.

Now, it’s one thing if you are asking for an amount that is slightly above what we would offer.
“merchant needs $75k” and does $100k per month.

Ok, now i get why you wrote something—might be above what we would have given this file, but i’ll give it a second glance.
But when you write a request that demonstrates either utter incompetence for pricing or immeasurable laziness, our offer is basically take it or leave it.

and one of the worst ones

6. I’m not like the other scummy iso’s you might work with
first of all, why would you even say this in your first week working with us?

the lady doth protest too much

we try very hard to not deal with “scummy” iso’s—maybe uneducated, but rarely scummy.
What funder would willingly work with a crooked broker?
Yes, there are some shrewd and pushy salesman – most salesman are (it’s not the most effective way, but whatever).

If you said to me “i care about my merchant’s and i care about your money” and demonstrated that... Maybe i’d believe it wasn’t you who told the merchant they would get a term loan in two weeks.


Ok i’m done. Back to work

so well said!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!

[Don Dolla]

where do you even fund vegan ?

[therosefunder]

I love this so much

[matt.estes]

Enjoyed this!

[cmarks]

i always like "can you beat 1.18 for 28 months paying me 17 points??"... good post vegan

[VeganFunder]

where do you even fund vegan ?

Hmm Don, are you just trolling or does this actually strike some sort of nerve?

[Don Dolla]

trolling mostly

[Don Dolla]

but seriously it was a long read, just do your job and control your hoes

[harvey]

don is upset

[Don Dolla]

i am upset, i had a very busy day when he posted that long ass **** and its basically just one person complaining about another person complaining , time well spent

[Don Dolla]

and let us also remember that our ability to hunt and eat meat is part of what makes us human, can't trust a vegan

[LJH365]

Well put.
I ask all agents that send me deals to ask themselves "would I lend this merchant $___k of my own money?"

[VeganFunder]

and let us also remember that our ability to hunt and eat meat is part of what makes us human, can't trust a vegan

Thanks for you advice Don-- I'll take it to heart.
But I'm confused (due to that lack of b12 you mentioned) ... but are you saying that any carnivore that hunts-- eagle, lion, fox is part human?

Also, is Don short for Doni or Don like a boss (lingering questions from a previous thread)?

[abfunders]

Well put.
I ask all agents that send me deals to ask themselves "would I lend this merchant $___k of my own money?"

Sean, well-said!
And then we have to explain to our agents that "Yes, he's bouncing payments and has 15 NSFs this month, so a consolidation with a weekly would be a great, but ...... " (PS: There's a reason I prefer CC splits/lockboxes to ACH funding. Less drama.)

[VeganFunder]

Sean, well-said!
And then we have to explain to our agents that "Yes, he's bouncing payments and has 15 NSFs this month, so a consolidation with a weekly would be a great, but ...... " (PS: There's a reason I prefer CC splits/lockboxes to ACH funding. Less drama.)

If I was able to only fund cc deals I'd be a very rich man

[FusionFunding]

Blessed to work with ISO's that are normal people and don't deal with too much of it.

[skideeppow]

great post, glad to see i am not the only one who thinks this way.

[brokerCompany]

Hey if a deal does not work with 1 fund, dont push it more than once. There are a dozen others that will take it. That is my experience if an UW does not get the deal move on!

[DirectFunders]

Great post! Thank you for sharing with the community.

[Don Dolla]

Thanks for you advice Don-- I'll take it to heart.
But I'm confused (due to that lack of b12 you mentioned) ... but are you saying that any carnivore that hunts-- eagle, lion, fox is part human?

Also, is Don short for Doni or Don like a boss (lingering questions from a previous thread)?

don is short for Don’t****WithMe

[pcfunder]

don is short for Don’t****WithMe

Don Dolla. Hand's down the coolest person to ever do MCA.

[garcian]

"Nothing you have to say about this file means anything anymore." - this post is an instant classic! Well done.